


Control Inverted

by SwirlsOfBlueJay



Series: Control [2]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Dom/sub, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Incest, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:07:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3468752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwirlsOfBlueJay/pseuds/SwirlsOfBlueJay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Stefan turned human his urge to kill remained but with the help of Damon and Klaus he has thus far managed to stay in control. Now he's off to uni and is determined to have a normal life. But given that he's a vampire-turned-human 165 year old teenager, normal is pretty much out of the question. Can Stefan stay in control? Can his relationship with Damon and Klaus bear the strain of all that's to come? Will everything end up imploding?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Control Inverted

Stefan keeps both collars off for a few days after graduation. And once he puts one on, after Klaus spends most of the night keeping him in a state of orgasm denial as punishment. He proceeds to fuck him into the early hours of the morning, hybrid stamina being what it is, until Stefan finally declares he needs a break. It’s still almost four by the time he gets to sleep.

 

As his eyes drift open, he blearily comes to the realisation of what woke him when he feels the sensation of his underwear against his thighs being tugged down and left around his knees. Klaus is atop him, ready to take what he wants, shaft already placed against Stefan. He isn’t about to safe-word out just because he’s half asleep so he forces himself to properly wake, stretching out. As his knuckles brush against his collar a thought occurs. It has been over twenty four hours and he’s still under Klaus’s ownership.

 

It’s not very new; Klaus and Damon have both had several days in a row with him before, but usually with Stefan making the conscious decision to put on the same collar twice in a row. This time however he had nowhere to be and nothing to remove the collar for, as he usually would before school. One day had merely drifted into another, it was no big deal. It was good to have this endless kind of fun now they had the chance.   

 

 

***

 

 

Several days later, he’s lazing half-naked on the couch with Klaus in post coital bliss watching something suitably mindless on the television. When Damon enters, picking up the discarded clothing strewn on the floor, eventually coming to a stop in front of them, giving Stefan a scrutinising look he turns to Klaus.

 

“He looks pale and tired. You’re not letting him sleep enough and you’re not feeding him enough.”

 

He resists the urge to snap something at Damon about him not being a dog, knowing it would only make things worse. Damon knew the whole big brother thing was his edge and was using it as such. This was actually a territorial issue.

 

“I’m sure Stefan disagrees, don’t you Stefan?” Klaus replies, grinning.

 

Stefan rolls his eyes, standing up and facing Damon. Unbuckling his collar he moves towards his brother. He doesn’t say ‘I missed you too’ or anything, that would only piss Damon off further, instead smiles and kisses him. He places the collar down.

 

“I’m going to have a few hours to myself and then tonight you get your turn,” Stefan says.

 

“At least a week,” Damon argues.

 

“Fine.” 

 

 

***

 

 

The letter from Johns Hopkins University comes on a Wednesday. Stefan hides it, wary of the damage it could do. Until Damon tosses it on the kitchen counter with a casual,

 

“Open it already.”

 

Stefan sighs and tentatively peels open the envelope, spending an excessive number of seconds unfolding and flattening the piece of paper before finally forcing his eyes to read the words.  He grins.

 

“I’ve been accepted.”

 

Damon rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, well done. Like there was any doubt.”

 

At that Stefan spins towards Klaus, eyes narrowing, “You didn’t compel anyone did you?”

 

“He makes the comment, I get the blame,” Klaus spits back.

 

Stefan doesn’t say Damon knows better (they’ve got particular ways of messing and caring for each other, developed over close to two centuries, and bothering to compel university admissions people isn’t one of them), it would only make Klaus irate. Instead he asks again, “Did you?”

 

“No,” Klaus replies, beginning to sulk. He seems to at least be telling the truth though.

 

“So, I guess I’m moving to Baltimore then.”   

 

“We,” Klaus de-sulks to correct him, “We are moving to Baltimore.”

 

Stefan thinks he should protest but doesn’t. Besides he needs them to keep him in line.

 

 

***

 

 

There are many plans to be made. Stefan spends hours silently writing in his diary, which classes to take, which clubs and groups to join, which person he wants to be. He’s going to fit as much as he can into this experience. Damon habitually steals it, causing stray ink lines as it’s ripped from him, and reads his thoughts aloud- in a mocking peppy voice- for all to hear.

 

The sentences are punctuated with possessive looks from Klaus and comments about partying from Damon.

 

Stefan tells Damon, “As long as you don’t start using the campus as your personal Gas and sip I don’t care what you do.” 

 

Once Damon abandons the diary and goes off to steal some blood bags, Stefan turns to Klaus.

“We need to talk about this.”

 

Klaus grins viciously. “As long as you remember that you’re mine, there won’t a problem.”

 

“Klaus,” Stefan pauses, changes his tone and starts again, “Nik. I love you, that won’t change. But I’ve got a chance here, a chance I’ve wanted for over a century, I need to make the best of it. And that means I’ll be busy. You understand that right?”

 

“I understand perfectly,” Klaus says, hand curling around Stefan’s wrist in a way that’s just shy of bruising.

 

 

***

 

 

He doesn’t see much of Klaus or Damon for a couple of days and wonders whether their insecurities have gotten the better of them. That or they’re up to something. He doesn’t have to wait too long for his answer.

 

Stefan is lying on the floor on his back and all of a sudden Klaus and Damon are on either side of him, each with a hand holding down one of his shoulders in a roughly symmetrical pose. He wonders what’s going on; this is not something they do; he is with Damon or he is with Klaus; they are separate. They exist in different parts of him.

 

“Close your eyes,” Klaus orders firmly.

 

For the first time in a long while Stefan doesn’t obey the order, he’s too busy thinking. This will be disastrous; Damon and Klaus will tear each other apart, it would never work.

 

“Close your eyes,” Damon says in the same tone.

 

Stefan awaits the responding growl from Klaus for Damon taking command but none comes. He looks closer at the two faces hovering above him, both blank and determined, brooking no argument; united. They’re working together, Stefan realises. It’s fucking hot. He’s so screwed.

 

He closes his eyes.

 

 

***

 

 

As hands run over his body he sometimes loses track of whose hands are whose but he’s able to figure it out again quickly. He’s manhandled off the ground and onto his knees with the ease that vampire strength affords. Then there’s someone behind him, preparing him, Damon, he’s almost certain it’s Damon. And that means Klaus is standing in front of him; he can tell someone’s there from the shadow on his eyelids. Then Damon is fucking his ass and Klaus is fucking his mouth. Everything is done wordlessly; they’ve planned this, in detail.   

 

But Stefan’s enjoying himself too much to think about this new revelation.

 

They both pull out and Stefan moans at the loss. But his protests die as hands begin running over him. Suddenly he’s convinced Klaus is the one behind him and almost opens his eyes in confusion. Then he realises confusing him is exactly what they were going for. He pulls away and Damon steps back.

 

“New rule; no using vampire speed to switch places.”

 

Klaus laughs and Stefan knows Damon’s smirking.

 

 

***

 

 

One day Stefan walks in on Damon and Klaus having angry sex up against the wall, because of course this is how they would let him know they’re doing it. He doesn’t react merely takes a coke from the fridge and leaves them to it. 

 

He still spends the night thinking about all the ways this could be great or terrible: the dynamics; the machinations; the potential turmoil. What if they fight? What if they decide they want nothing to do with each other? What if it destroys them all? He still likes the idea of it though, him no longer being the centre but rather one part of a whole.

 

 

***

 

 

A lopsided smile flops onto Stefan’s face, his mind hazy, his body relaxed, ready and willing, it feels like floating. A far off part of him knows he’s in subspace, he only knows he wants to stay here.

 

“Stefan,” Damon says softly, looking at him, “I want you to take this collar off and put the other one on.”

 

Stefan gives a small compliant head-bob of a nod, seeming almost entranced by Damon.

 

Picks up the collar, likes the feel of it, blinks rapidly as some part of him recognises the importance of being aware in this moment, but quickly dismisses the notion and stays in the cloud. He does as he’s told. He is theirs. They will take care of him. Damon for some reason smirks.

 

“Let’s put you to bed, we can continue tomorrow when you’re back to you.”

 

Stefan doesn’t try to understand, just allows himself to be cleaned up and put away.

 

Stefan wakes and is surprised he has a collar on; usually there’s a gap between one and another, he grins slightly at the thought of his sneaky boys’ manoeuvre. He did like it though, it helped him, there was no reason he couldn’t stay in that state. He trusts Damon and Klaus. And with school finished, he has nothing that needs his attention. 

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan strides into the kitchen, smiling at the hints of nervousness on Klaus and Damon’s faces after their action the previous night. Though Klaus beams slightly when noticing the collar denoting his claim to Stefan.

 

“After that stunt I may have to teach you a lesson,” Stefan says with a wicked smile.

 

It wasn’t often Stefan was the one who got to top and he relishes the chance, coyly moving over Klaus, he kisses a trail down his chest, fingers touching on every sensitive spot. He waits until Klaus is writhing, begging to be fucked.

 

He pushes in slowly, even though caution is unnecessary. He gasps as he’s assaulted with the gloriously overwhelming sensations that being inside Klaus brings with it. He definitely needs to find a way to do this more often.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan squirms against the sting of the ginger root plug. Klaus has a smug smile on his face and Stefan’s pretty sure the entire point of this is to force him to disobey. Well Stefan’s happy to play along.

 

“I told you to stay still,” Klaus admonishes. 

 

Stefan nods and stiffens himself into stillness. He manages to stay that way for a small infinity, probably a minute or two. Then he begins wriggling with much more fervour than before, trying to dislodge the vile thing. Of course not daring to actually use his hands.

 

Klaus fists Stefan’s hair, yanking his head, “It seems you need a lesson in obedience.”

 

Stefan licks his lips in anticipation at the sight of the cane. It’s a new one. It lands sharp on his back, he gasps.

 

 

***

 

 

“Follow me,” Klaus orders. Stefan obeys, following Klaus into Damon’s room wearing nothing but his collar. Stefan kneels without having to be told. Klaus removes his collar.

 

Stefan realises they plan on switching his collar again without his say so and without him having any time for himself in between. Last time he was off in subspace but this time he’s very much aware. He needs to decide whether this is okay. They’re ignoring him, acting as though he isn’t there; isn’t a part of this. But he knows it’s an act, senses the deliberation of them not looking his way. He has only ever gotten the sense that he was being the person he should be when living up to being the person those he loved wanted him to be, and he has never been able to become that person so thoroughly as now, being so completely controlled, so everything he does is as they wish. It makes the choice easier than it should be.

 

“How has he been behaving,” Damon asks with amusement; they all know he heard the punishment that took place earlier.

 

“Oh, we had a little trouble, but Stefan learned his lesson,” Klaus replies, squeezing his neck slightly, “didn’t you Stefan?”

 

He nods contritely, trying to suppress the shiver of excitement the words send through him; despite their new alliance Damon’s still very capable of jealousy. As Klaus steps back, Damon steps forward, and Stefan makes no protest as he slides his own collar around Stefan’s neck.  

 

Over the next few weeks at least half of the time Klaus or Damon hand Stefan off to each other with no input from him. Stefan allows it and eventually these hand-overs become the status quo.

 

 

***

 

 

It’s a hot summer and Stefan’s surprised by the feel of it; the cloying heat, the sweat rolling down his skin, doesn’t know how he ever despised this marvellous human feeling. He breaks out of his reverie and again fixes his attention on scrutinising the cardboard box before him, half-filled with things Damon would probably say he doesn’t really need but they’re shutting up the boarding house when Stefan goes to college and he doesn’t want the items to be left behind.   

 

Apparently his scent has drawn attention. Klaus slips behind him and Stefan remembers he’s still wearing his collar; he hasn’t been allowed to remove it.

 

The summer has changed the dynamics of his relationships, days sliding into each other with no school to bookend them, the collars staying on for longer and longer as the two territorial behemoths took all his time. Stefan has relaxed into it; surrendered himself; got lost in his role. At some point Klaus and Damon took over and Stefan let them. It’s only for the summer anyway.

 

“I have to finish packing,” he protests weakly, shivering at Klaus’s touch.

 

Klaus doesn’t bother to argue; Stefan’s wearing his collar which means he has to do whatever Klaus wants anyway.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan lies on Damon’s bed, staring at the pages of a book without seeing the words. In that way unrelated paragraphs in books sometimes connect the dots in someone’s head. He has startled himself with the realisation that he hasn’t had an urge to kill in weeks, surrendering himself completely to Damon and Klaus had been all it took. A wave of happiness washes over him; he is happy with here; he is happy with this life. But of course because he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t overthink things, it quickly moves towards guilt. He is human now; he has the chance so many vampires don’t have, is he going to waste it? 

 

“When is it Klaus’ turn again?” Stefan casually asks.

 

“Naughty Stefan, you’re not supposed to ask,” Damon replies with a smirk.

 

“I’m serious,” Stefan says firmly.

 

“Thursday why?”

 

“I need to talk to you two before.”

 

“Oh, come on,” Damon sighs, “you’re thinking too much again.”

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan stands before the two of them. His collar is off (barring handovers) for the first time in weeks. His neck feels naked. Stefan feels vulnerable, having to think for himself again. He has to remind himself; this is important, and curls his fingers to centre himself before speaking,

 

“I’ve decided that I need to go to Baltimore alone.”

 

“Nope. I’m coming,” Damon insists.

 

“No you’re not. This is my chance to have a normal human life and I need to do it without you; I’ll be back during the holidays,” Stefan says.

 

“I lectured at Johns Hopkins once, I could show you all the best places,” Klaus tells him.

 

“Really you’re going to tell me a story about how you chowed down on the students at my college. That’s really extra incentive for me to have you come.”

 

Klaus’ expression darkens, “You’re assuming you have a choice in where I decide to go.”

 

Stefan levels Klaus with a sharp gaze, stating firmly, “Don’t. This whole threatening people to keep them close thing has never worked for you before, don’t be mistaken into thinking it will now. Just because I let you control me, doesn’t mean you have control over me. And this. It’s part of the reason I need to do this. I’ve been letting myself fall too deep, letting you control me because it’s easier, it feels better. But it’s not real. I can’t keep hiding. I need to live my life.”

 

If anything, Klaus seems more furious. But Stefan’s in no mood to placate; he knows Klaus had known exactly what he was doing, going beyond the bounds of their previously healthy dom/sub relationship. Stefan had known too, but chooses to ignore that scrap of information for the moment.

 

They glare at each other for several moments before Klaus begins shouting, “This is supposed to be your life. I’m supposed to be your life. You’ve got this crazy idea of good, but you’re not that person Stefan, you’ll never be that person. You need to just let it go and accept that you’re mine. Let’s face it you wouldn’t have allowed it to go on if it didn’t make you happy.”

 

Stefan replies in the coldest tone he can muster, “If you think so little of me, maybe I won’t wait until the end of the summer.”

 

The words hang in hot air, suspended in place, Stefan knows he’s pushing too far and doesn’t care.

 

“We are not drunk enough for this conversation,” Damon interrupts the stony silence, and as he pours part of the tension falls away. But no one speaks.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan and Klaus avoid each other for four days before Damon insists on them all sitting down for a discussion, citing that their moods are boring and annoying. Apparently the world has turned upside down and Damon is now a peacemaker.

 

“Okay, so Stefan wants to go off alone to brood and Klaus wants to pull off his wings and hold extra tight so he can’t fly away, clearly we need to figure out a compromise.”

 

Klaus snorts. “There can be no compromise. Either we are with Stefan or we aren’t.”

 

“He’s right. I need to have a normal life, I’m not backing down on this one,” Stefan says.

 

“You’re a one hundred and sixty five year old vampire-turned human teenager, you’re never going to have a normal life,” Klaus snaps.

 

“Shut up and listen. How about we all move to Baltimore…”

 

“But,” Stefan interrupts.

 

“Shush! We all move to Baltimore, but we live in different places.”

 

Stefan and Klaus both glare at Damon unhappily.

 

“Unless one of you have a better idea.”

 

“Yes. We all move to Baltimore and live in the same place,” Klaus says.

 

“Well unless you’re planning on kidnapping Stefan and keeping him in your basement, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.”

 

“Don’t give him ideas Damon,” Stefan says grumpily.

 

After copious glaring, Klaus speaks again, “Under the proviso that we’re within a mile of Stefan and that he spends sufficient portions of the week with us, I might agree.”

 

Stefan finally reluctantly replies, “As long as I’m given the space to live my own life…I guess that would be okay.”

 

Damon gives them a comical grin, before commenting in a highly mocking tone, “Great, see that wasn’t so hard was it?”

 

And that’s how Stefan ends up living in the dorms with Damon and Klaus living in a house nearby. Stefan just hoped they didn’t kill each other.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan has been in lecture halls like these hundreds of times before. It should feel different now that he’s human. He tells himself it feels different, so that it does.

 

Stefan plays college football and goes to parties, he’s well-liked but not terribly ‘popular’. He aces almost all his classes and signs up for a ridiculous number of extra-curriculars. He goes on a few dates here and there (his boys know they’re not exclusive). He’s enjoying himself and able to take pride in himself and if there are sometimes moments late at night when his thoughts turn to all the kills he’s made and all the kills he wants to make, he has plenty of assignments to bury himself in.

 

He’s busy but still makes the time to see Damon and Klaus every few days. But it isn’t enough for Klaus and the tension between them increases. He doesn’t have the aid of his vampire senses anymore, but finds glimpses in his periphery, gone before they were ever there. Stefan knows it must be Klaus, following him, watching him. Then Klaus appears chatting to his friends. Stefan needs this life to be separate and explains this. Klaus demands more time and Stefan says he’ll do his best. Klaus seems to haunt him. Their dom/sub play is distorted with instances of Klaus angry and in his face, sometimes fingers tight around his wrist, sometimes a hand brutally gripping his shoulder. And it sometimes is too real. Stefan doesn’t think about the grip, if Klaus really wants to hurt him he could easily snap bone.

 

Despite Klaus’ haranguing, Stefan carries on with his college life as usual. It’s about half way through his second semester when he meets Rachel.

 

Stefan smiles at the girl, she smiles back; they almost always do.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan plays it by rote. Over a century of circling back to this behind him. On their first date they go for Sushi and chat about bad taste in music. On their second he cooks her Italian and they talk about what drove them to want to be doctors (she lost her parents young too, wanted to stop it happening to others). He likes her. He doesn’t tell himself this feels different now that he’s human. That would do all the previous women, the previous real meaningful relationships, a disservice. But he’s old enough to admit that it’s new. He didn’t have much in the way of dating as a human; only a couple of overly polite courtships and small taboo fumbles in the dark preceding Katherine.

 

They go to a couple of parties’ together, dance and laugh and forget that anyone else is there. Within two weeks they’re spending most of their spare time together, by the time they reach a month Stefan knows what they have is something special.

 

 

***

 

 

“Rachel and I are getting serious. I can’t be running around behind her back with you guys anymore,” Stefan states simply.

 

Damon shrugs. Stefan knows he’s hurt but hiding it, but Damon’s right- Stefan finds someone normal, leaves Damon for a while and then comes back- they’ve done this enough times that it’s part of the rigmarole of their lives. It may be different this time because Stefan’s life has a visible expiration date but if Damon’s happy to ignore that then so is he.

 

Of course Klaus has a far more outwardly visceral reaction. The residual tension between them rises to the surface, leftover grievances over the push and pull of their relationship, Stefan taking advantage of Klaus’ insecurities, Klaus taking advantage of Stefan’s submissive role. The possessiveness and the anger. It all helped Stefan make his current decision, the realisation that he should leave and try to make it work properly with Rachel. Even if it meant Klaus wouldn’t be here if (when) he came back.

 

“No!” Klaus growls, “You made a promise Stefan. Don’t think I will allow you to renege on our deal lightly!”

 

“I’m sorry. It was never a deal Klaus, it was a relationship; which is the part you seem to have forgotten. And now I’m leaving it.”

 

Stefan stays in place as Klaus strides angrily towards him. He knows he has nothing to fear from the Hybrid.

 

Klaus grips his arms, there will be bruises there tomorrow but Stefan knows if he wasn’t restraining himself he could easily snap the limbs in half. The hybrid hisses menacingly at him, “You’ll regret this.”

 

“Hey, back off,” Damon shouts, finally leaving his lackadaisical lounging position to stand by Stefan.

 

Klaus snarls in response, but releases Stefan and proceeds to storm out, ripping the door off its hinges as he goes.

 

 

***

 

 

Klaus stomps in several hours later, looking broken and pathetic.

 

Damon glances at him, saying casually, “It’s what he always does, he’ll be back before you know it.”

 

“And you just readily allow him back into your life, like a puppy ignoring his disrespect.”

 

“It’s not like that. Stefan’s not doing this because he doesn’t care about us or to hurt us, he just has an obsession with a certain kind of life we can’t give him and he knows it would be unfair to resent us for it, so instead he goes to find someone who can. Except it still hasn’t occurred to him he can never be happy with that either.”

 

“How much of your life do you spend making excuses for him?”

 

Damon shrugs, “Not excuses. Stefan and I’ve never been exclusive, come on we live too long for that, I’ve been with others too while we were together. And my excuse was just lust.”

 

“I won’t be here when he comes back.”

 

“Yes you will.”

 

Klaus deflates, lets out a reluctant grunt of affirmation.

 

“He better come back to me.”

 

“He will.”

 

“I need him. I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

 

“Yeah well your neediness needs to dial down from psycho-control-freak-bitch level. And if you’d meant to hurt him I would’ve found a way to kill you already.”

 

“I’m not good at waiting.”

 

“Well now we have more time to ourselves,” Damon says, giving Klaus a wide lascivious smirk, waiting for Klaus to roll his eyes and smile before pulling him in, mouths clashing together.

 

Damon flips them over and a few seconds later Klaus does the same, this continues as they fight over who will top. It’s their own version of foreplay. Most of the time Klaus wins, unless Damon tricks him or teases him into supplication, but this time Klaus lets Damon take control.  

 

 

***

 

 

The months slide into each other. His relationship with Rachel is strong, going well. And if he often finds his thoughts lingering on Damon or Klaus it doesn’t mean anything, he’s always been nostalgic. There’s a longing rising again inside him to _rip_ , _tear_ , _kill_ but he ignores it easily, sating his other longing with warm embraces, with moments of normality, with thoughts of being able to have the human life he’s always wanted. There are times the life he’s always wanted seems too much like an unrealistic fairy-tale, paling now that he lives it. He tries to hide it but Rachel is smart and of course eventually notices.

 

She doesn’t say the words, but the expression on her face clearly says, “We need to talk.”

 

“There’s something missing Stefan, you know it, there’s a shadow here like you’re always waiting for something you don’t want to admit you want,” Rachel says.

 

Stefan sighs, admitting softly, “You know that feeling of being hopelessly desperate, so desperate it plagues you, infects every fibre of you, that you’d do anything to rid yourself of the feeling and you unbecome yourself, unmake yourself, do things you never would to make it better. And then one day it is better. And so you let yourself continue with all the wrongness. And then I let it go, I moved on, but I still want it. I can’t let myself want it.”

 

“Why are you so scared of doing what _you_ need?”

 

 

***

 

 

The door swings to open. Stefan stands, nervous and certain, “Hey.”

 

Damon leans against the door edge and Klaus, lingering in the bowels of the lounge, stares at him. Stefan’s tempted to look past Damon, focus on the one who the most urgent issue is with. But he doesn’t.

 

“Rachel and I broke up. I know what I want now,” he states, gaze flicking between Damon and Klaus.

 

Damon smirks and lifts an eyebrow, hand leisurely placed on his hip.

 

“We okay?” he asks Damon softly.

 

“We’re okay.” Damon chuckles and gestures for Stefan to enter, said gesture pointing him towards Klaus. 

 

Stefan walks into the lounge, stopping a couple of feet before Klaus and meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You should be. I’m sorry too, I went too far.”

 

“I asked you to go too far, I wanted to hide.”

 

“I know and I took advantage of that. It’s just I need you _so much_.”  

 

“And you thought if you had complete control over me you could keep me forever.”

 

“I never meant to hurt you. I’ll try harder, I’ll be better. Just…just don’t leave me again okay?”

 

Stefan nods solemnly, “I never meant to hurt you either and I won’t make promises I can’t keep. But I know where I belong now.”

 

“And what brought this certainty to our ever overthinking Stefan?”

 

“Rachel actually, I talked to her and realised a few things.”

 

Klaus smiles, drawing Stefan in for a hug. “I missed you.”

 

“The feeling’s mutual. I couldn’t stop thinking about you two.”

 

The rather desperate grasp they’re in lasts several seconds before Damon interrupts. “Okay now that the boring mushy part is over can we get to the fun part of making up?”

 

And then they commence cheering each other up with lots of sex. Bodies meet, arms wrap around and if any of them cling too hard no one mentions it.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan still stays in the dorms and soon starts dating a guy called Mike. It takes two more failed relationships, one bust for underage drinking (getting caught so easily is just embarrassing), and three narrowly avoided killings, for Stefan to realise that he can’t fight it anymore and moves in with his men.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan watches idly as Klaus attaches a padded leather cuff onto his right wrist and Damon attaches one to his left. The same is done with his ankles. And then each limb is leashed to its respective bed post. He tugs slightly on the leather cord, testing his manoeuvrability. Of course the existence of the cuffs is an amusing moot point; he wouldn’t move if ordered not to and it isn’t like his lovers couldn’t easily overpower him.

 

The wax drips. It burns. He says nothing of the pain. He needs it, deserves it.

 

 

***

 

 

He’s in the library, a sandy-haired classmate is hovering, acting as though copying Stefan’s essay is the furthest thing from his mind. And Stefan can’t help but think he would be perfect; perfect to slice, and tear, and _rip_.

 

He pushes his pen too hard into the paper which tears, but the nib doesn’t break like it would have when he was stronger. He writes a few more sentences throwing a casual glare over his shoulder, then packs up and leaves, Damon has already begun cooking when he gets home and he enters to the aroma of a well-seasoned roast. Relaxing into the scented atmosphere he strides into the kitchen, gliding past his brother to put on a pot of coffee.

 

“Hey,” Damon says with a lascivious smirk, casually leaning against the counter, barely waiting for Stefan’s nod before sliding over nuzzling on his neck.

 

“So turtle-neck tomorrow then,” Stefan chastises playfully.

 

Despite his cheer it takes only a stray thought for his mind to envision a knife carving into Sandy-hair’s torso. Not particularly in anger for the man, but rather for the sensation; for the kill. He drives his knife hard into the steak in imitation, trying to imagine it’s more, he is too familiar with the utter difference of human flesh dying beneath him for it to yield any remote satisfaction. He shakes his head, trying to throw away the air of desolation. Starts another conversation.

Ponders how of the three of them; two predators and one human, it is he who struggles most with not being able to kill.  

 

 

***

 

 

“Want some?” Damon asks, putting a mug of blood in the microwave.

 

“I’m good, found a delightfully fine lady in the mall car-park,” Klaus replies, placing two strips of bacon in a pan.

 

“Any plans for today?” Damon asks, sexual intent heavy in the words.

 

Klaus sighs. “So are we not going to talk about what’s going on with Stefan?”

 

“We both know what’s going on, what’s there to say?” 

 

“We should just get it over with, find some innocent bystanders for Stefan to rip apart.”

 

“I couldn’t agree more with your sentiment. Except I don’t know about you but I’d rather not have him broodily despising me for the next decade.”

 

“So what’s your grand plan?” Klaus asks, half sarcastic, half serious. 

 

“We wait; he will be alright, one way or another.”

 

 

***

 

 

“I’m tired,” is all Stefan says, he knows it’s all he has to say, tone dripping with resignation.

 

Damon packs a bag and they bundle into the car. Stefan doesn’t ask where they’re going, it doesn’t really matter and he doesn’t want to know.

 

They sit in a restaurant, probably somewhere in Georgia, Stefan had tried hard to not pay attention. He orders lemonade and a chicken salad and steals Damon’s fries. And waits. It’s not long before someone draws his gaze. She’s stunning, with hair of light brown curls, eyes deep green and a laugh that’s more of a distorted cackle.

 

“Her,” Stefan indicates with a nod.

 

Damon saunters over to her table with all his usual charm and requests she follows him somewhere with a chaser of compulsion to help things along. They walk slowly back to where the car is parked, far enough away that no one in the restaurant can see it and drive to a clearing. Stefan tries not to fidget. He was so sure before but now the doubts seep in. This is a bad idea, he’s going to ruin everything.

 

The woman begins to struggle when she realises something is off. Damon moves forward to compel her.

 

“Don’t,” Stefan states, grabs onto her arm. He’s still strong enough to force her to the ground and hold her there.

 

Stefan knows there’s a great assortment of weapons in Damon’s trunk but he doesn’t ask for them, he doesn’t want them, yet. First he wants to feel her under his fingernails, pulse slowing under his touch. If he needs to he’ll rip them open with blunt hands and blunt teeth.

 

The first stabs are shallow, it surprises Stefan how much harder this is with human strength but even as a human he’s strong, the next stabs are deep and assured.

 

The exhilaration is running like wildfire through his veins. It has been far, far too long. 

 

Damon looks stoic. Klaus looks gleeful. Stefan isn’t finished yet.

 

 

***

 

 

They compel everyone in the pizza restaurant and then Stefan has his fun.

 

Klaus picks up one of the half dead waitresses and has a drink. Stefan stares at the blood that would’ve once driven him to distraction and grins. It’s terribly wasteful. Blood, blood all around and not a thing to drink. Stefan lets out a harsh, high bark of laughter; it tailors into a string of hysterical sounds until he’s crying instead.

 

It’s not until he comes down from the high that he’s able to be properly horrified with himself.

 

Damon sets the place alight because DNA traces matter now that he’s human.

 

 

***

 

The next morning he gets ready and goes to class like nothing has happened, as though there has been no monumental change and waits until he gets home to explode.

 

“You should’ve stopped me!” Stefan yells at them even though they all know he’s only angry at himself.

 

“What would be the point? So you could snap and stab your Bunsen burner into someone’s eye during Chem lab?” Damon says.

 

“I will figure it out; I don’t need to be enabled.”

 

“Sweetheart, if I wasn’t enabling you I would’ve turned you back into a vampire already,” Klaus says.

 

“Just stop me next time.”

 

“No, that’s not going to work, how about instead you only kill people when we let you,” Damon says jokingly, adding, “it can be a reward for good behaviour.”

Stefan wordlessly leaves the room.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan goes to Klaus, knowing Damon will refuse to be as harsh as he requires. He holds a sombre expression on his face, knowing the look is enough for Klaus to know what he needs.

 

“You need to be punished Stefan,” Klaus states.

 

“Yes,” Stefan answers. They don’t talk about what he’s being punished for. Not this time. Stefan is unsure whether it’s too much mercy that he doesn’t deserve or just respect for the poor people he brutally murdered.

 

Klaus strips him and then bends him over and starts paddling. Stefan can tell by the sting that it’s one of the paddles with holes in. His buttocks and the backs of his thighs receive a thorough paddling, after a while he has to clench his jaw to stop whimpers from escaping.

 

Afterwards he continues to look at Klaus with that same sombre expression; it’s not enough, it will never be enough. Klaus sighs but follows the paddling with a chaser of rough sex. No preparation, Stefan insists. And lies on his stomach so Klaus can’t see his face.

 

It’s painful but Stefan forces himself to rasp out the word, “Harder.” 

 

“Any harder and I’ll tear you apart,” Klaus replies.

 

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation. But this time Stefan’s response is different.

 

“Then tear me apart.” He deserves this, to be ripped open like he has ripped others open. Imagines violent thrusts rending him, making him bleed, cracking his pelvis. Klaus is an Original Hybrid after all.

 

Klaus stares at Stefan, gaze dark and angry, “No. I’m not hurting you badly just to satisfy your misplaced guilt.”

 

“I deserve this,” Stefan begs. Klaus’ gaze remains firm and stony. And because Stefan’s desperate he gets manipulative,

 

“I love you. I don’t want to resent you, but I might. I might begin to wonder, would I be here doing this if you weren’t here, being such a bad influence. I might begin to question why I’m with you at all. Especially when you refuse to do the one thing you’re good for and make me hurt.”

 

Stefan sees the ‘how dare you’ form on Klaus’ lips and die, insecurity grabbing hold even though he knows better; just as Stefan knew it would.

 

“You need find a better way to deal, do some of that talking you love. I won’t hurt you,” Klaus states determinedly.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan feels as though he’s going to drown under his guilt. He doesn’t like it but something needs to change. He tells Damon and Klaus he needs to speak to them.

 

“Stopping me from killing, trying to suppress my urges, it isn’t working anymore. So I’ve decided on a new rule, you will control my kills. Instead of it being forbidden, you will control when and where and how many.”

 

“You know I was kidding when I suggested that right?” Damon replies.

 

“It won’t work. You’ll just look sad and pathetic,” Klaus says, giving him an intent-laden look (Stefan’s pretty certain the look is referring to their earlier conversation, he knows Klaus is still smarting or else he would be a lot more enthusiastic about being allowed to order Stefan to kill).

 

“Yeah. As fun as it will be to watch you go in constant circles from crazy to guilt-ridden to blaming me, I think I’m going to pass,” Damon adds.

 

Stefan sighs, speaking imploringly, “I know it’s not fair. That I can’t just take myself off the hook for what I do. And that I shouldn’t be using you guys for this. But I can’t deal with this. I need you to do this for me.”

 

“Fine,” Damon says with exasperation.

 

Klaus nods. “I won’t hurt you. But don’t underestimate what I will do to keep you with me.”

 

 

***

 

 

He’s their pet and sometimes they take their pet out and let him loose on innocent bystanders.

 

It helps. It gives him something to chastise himself with, that’s half the truth.

 

It helps. The ritual of it, when he’s honest with himself; the nature has slipped into his rites and sits comfortably there. It gives him something to look forward to.

 

Sometimes he begs to be allowed a kill.

 

 

***

 

 

Aging is odd, it feels like growing up. He asks Damon about it but his brother just shrugs and says he never noticed much of a difference with the way he felt himself between seventeen and twenty one, even though he was obviously more mature. Stefan doubts the obviousness. Maybe the difference is more stark because he was stuck at seventeen for so long.

 

The human brain grows until a person turns twenty one.

 

He sneaks into the hospital one night and takes multiple scans of his head, trying to figure out whether there’s something different about a brain that was stuck at seventeen for one hundred and forty six years and then started growing again.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan sits on his knees, it has been almost three months since he has been allowed to kill, but Damon has promised that if he’s extra good they might go tomorrow. He’s already picturing them coming apart under his hands, the glorious scent of fear tainting the air.

 

Damon smirks, curling a hand around the nape of his neck. “You’re going to be good to me today, aren’t you Stefan?”

 

Stefan nods enthusiastically as Damon’s fangs descend, searing his shoulder.

 

“Yeah, I can taste the desperation on you; you’re going to do whatever I say to get what you need.”

 

 

***

 

 

He’s pretty sore from Damon’s ministrations, his skin still caked in his own dried blood, but now Damon has brought him out to play and he’s too excited to care.

 

Stefan watches the blood; he really sees it now; not like before when he was too busy gorging to really see. It spurts and sprays and spits prettily. He carves up shoulders and elbows and hips and knees, an imitation of his previous life.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan kneels silently on the floor, head bowed guiltily. Klaus holds a stern expression as he fastens the collar too tightly around Stefan’s neck.

 

“You’ve been naughty, haven’t you?”

 

“I killed some people,” Stefan replies hoarsely.

 

“I’ll have to construct a punishment that fits your crime,” Klaus states with feigned contemplation, transforming into a malicious growl before continuing, “this will be fun.” 

 

Klaus blindfolds him, then buckles cuffs over his wrists and ankles.

 

“Up,” is ordered firmly. Stefan stands.

 

With the cuffs his limbs are attached by hanging chains to what he guesses is a frame of some sort. The leather straps him down, the leather straps him up, it affixes him in a spiders web position. His arms tense against the strain, his chest tense with anticipation. He’s not quite off the floor and so uses his toes to balance and reduce the pressure on his wrists, which becomes harder when a bar is placed connecting one ankle to the other and holding his legs apart.

 

Klaus’s hands play along his torso before attaching nipple clamps, with what feels like a small chain between them.

 

The fingertip ran along it as though running down a book’s page, seeking a line.

 

A stick ran along him and he shuddered as it reached his length.

 

“Such a twisted fucker,” Klaus says, hand grazing over Stefan’s hardening member.  

 

“Sorry,” Stefan apologises, voice still far too laden with guilt.

 

“It’s okay, I’m excited too,” Klaus says pushing his cock against Stefan’s butt crack in demonstration. 

 

The rubber whip hurts less than it should. He wants to complain.

 

 

***

 

 

Sometimes he doesn’t like the way he looks, after so long with a frozen face the changes in his features seem ghastly, but he forces himself to appreciate it because he’s wanted it for too long to not.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan graduates at the top of his class and when he goes to Med school there’s no discussion of him having a separate life; he knows what he wants now. He introduces Klaus as his boyfriend and Damon as his brother and somehow manages to make both of them jealous. But they spend the next three days fucking each other and ignoring Stefan and then everything’s fine.

 

He works hard, and between Med school and with Damon and Klaus keeping him busy he’s got very little time to think of killing. Stefan also beings to find the need to kill lessening once more, though he still makes the odd kill every year or so.

 

 

***

 

 

After med school he takes an internship in Switzerland under Dr Yang. Damon and Klaus go with him of course. It’s a good change of pace for all three of them. It’s the first time Stefan has been out of America as a human. It’s different somehow. The air’s less pervasive and yet more so all at once.

 

Everything seems to take up so much time now that he has so little left. Eventually he gains a double specialty in Cardiology and Haematology.

 

 

***

 

 

Stefan sits at the table, feeling less guilty than he should about the award he’s about to receive. He cheats sometimes; there are days when it’s too hard to ignore the hopeless cases with vampire blood so easily available to him. Most of his success though, is entirely his own. He’s a highly respected heart surgeon.

 

“How do you know Dr Salvatore,” a stranger asks Damon.

 

“He’s my little brother,” Damon says.

 

The person does a double take, “how old are you?”

 

Damon scowls and sends a narrow-eyed look at Stefan. He’s too old to be his little brother any more.

 

 

***

 

 

They’re quieter than usual when they come to talk to him and he already knows nothing good is going to come of the conversation.

 

“We think it’s time you let us turn you,” Damon states, the words are brittle.

 

“Well if you think it’s time, who am I to argue,” Stefan replies, infusing his tone with sass. 

 

“Every day you remain human, you remain vulnerable and besides you have had sufficient years as a human now,” Klaus says.

 

“Oh, don’t act like this is something other than you guys wanting to keep me young and pretty forever.”

 

It’s not the first time Damon and Klaus have ganged up on him together but definitely the most serious.

 

“Well we do want to keep you forever and I would be lying if I said I didn’t appreciate your appearance,” Klaus says, leering, “but I don’t understand why you would want to remain human, you have had the human experience, and every day you grow weaker, less agile.” 

 

“I don’t want to turn. And you intimating that I’m some ‘old’ person only weakens your argument.”

 

“Wasn’t the whole point of this to find a girl, settle down and have puppies that poop rainbows, children made of sugar and fences made of glossy white pickets? You’ve failed, move on, live forever.”

 

“No, the point was getting rid of the ripper, but you failed there too,” Klaus adds.

 

“I’m not discussing this anymore. This is the final word on this matter: I’m not turning again, not in a year, not in a decade, I’m going to live this life and then die.”

 

 

***

 

Stefan blinks awake, limbs intertwined with Damon on one side and Klaus on the other. His ass is pleasantly sore from the previous night’s paddling. The alarm is four minutes away from ringing. He thinks about his day; another new operation to try, at the cutting edge of saving lives, creating new procedures for those without such easy access to vampire blood. Then home to his boys, he looks very definitely older than both of them now, and feels older despite the opposite being true. It seems apt that he’s the adult here.

 

He turns his head, gazing from one to the other. He is content. His mind briefly flits to blood and guilt, saving more lives than he’s killed doesn’t make up for it. But here in this moment, at the edge of new discovery, he allows himself this peace; this knowledge of being whole, of being himself and being okay with that.

 

 

***

 

Stefan knows as soon as he sees Klaus’ face. And thinks, of course, just when everything was going so well, of course it would be now. Both Damon and Klaus had been making irate overtures for a while, only every now and then, but suggestions had grown into more insistent arguments. Both saying being turned is for his own good.

 

And now Klaus is standing there with his fangs sinking into his wrist, looking conciliatory and predatory all at once.

 

“Don’t.” It has been so long since he’s felt fear in Klaus’ presence. He’s never been more aware of how utterly powerless he is.

 

“Sorry Stefan.”

 

“No! Please Nik…”

 

A bloody wrist is pressed against his lips, silencing him. He has only a moment for grief and hurt and rage before a turn of his neck and everything goes black.


End file.
